How to find a therapist that you won't need therapy for
Why try therapy, trick questions to ask, free or low-cost therapy, studies on modalities you might not have heard of
(Image: Peanuts comic with Lucy gives psychiatric “help” to Charlie Brown in booth)
Updated May 9, 2025
Here’s how to shop for therapists this Black Friday! Even if you feel good, you might feel even better if you talk to a therapist. Whether or not you think you need therapy, it could be the best gift you give yourself.
Therapy can help with surprising things. Unlike family and friends, they’re trained on how to support people in all kinds of situations.
If you don’t want to end up like Charlie Brown in the image, today is your lucky day. Ethical therapists are standing by! They just might not be your kid, pastor, colleague, or friend. That’s because it might not be ethical or helpful to start therapy with someone you already know. For example, if they’re your pastor, you might unconsciously feel pressured to do what they say. Also, kids (even adult kids) aren’t good therapists, no matter what they say. Plus, you might accidentally tell them things that you both might need therapy for life for.
I’ve experienced all kinds of therapy and other healing modalities. Some therapists were ethical. Some were not. Here’s what I wish I knew:
Questions to ask therapists before you share your deepest, darkest secrets
If you had a lot happen in your life, you might need a long time to write your life story in a therapist’s intake form before your first session. So you might want to ask at least two prospective therapists questions below before you fill out their intake. That way, you can both see if you’re a good fit for each other.
Beliefs
Are you a faith-based counselor? (Unlicensed faith-based counselors are not trained to use evidence-based methods and be nonjudgmental. Licensed mental health professionals like Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists (LMFTs) and Licensed Clinical Social Workers (LCSWs) are trained to do that.)
Have you ever suggested spiritual beliefs or practices? If so, what kind and how often did you suggest them? (If a therapist frequently suggests spiritual beliefs or practices that aren’t the client’s own, you could report them. Ethical therapists will not try to change a client’s beliefs unless the client’s beliefs will lead to abuse. Therapists aren’t supposed to have clients conform to the therapist’s beliefs or political views. Some did that and severely traumatized clients.)
How have you helped clients avoid spiritual bypass? (It can include things like believing God forgives you so you don't need to apologize or change around people you've harmed. Or you might think you forgive someone. But you're still easily triggered by them and unconsciously try to get revenge. Spiritual bypass can also include forgiving abusive people without first letting yourself feeling where anger, jealousy, grief, or other sensations are in your body. Sometimes it's healthier to forgive someone and have nothing to do with them.)
What modalities are you trained in other than faith-based ones? How will you use them with me if my spirituality is a source of conflict between me and loved ones? If my goal is to improve relationships with loved ones who asked me to stop suggesting my spirituality to them, how will you help? (Here’s a bright idea: Maybe avoid therapists that tell you to continue converting your loved ones to your faith.)
How can you help me see if my spirituality is keeping me in unhealthy situations, such as spiritual abuse?
Power dynamics
How do you address power dynamics with clients? (Maybe choose a therapist that says they ask clients during sessions ask how they feel the session is going.)
Have you received anti-oppression training to avoid re-traumatizing clients?
How do you keep learning about unconscious bias, ableism, racism, colorism, cis-sexism, transphobia, sexism, heterosexism, classism, or poverty?
How do you integrate cultural humility into your work? (Hopefully, they at least mention that they try not to make assumptions about anyone.)
How do you integrate social justice values into your practice?
Have you received feedback from clients? How did you respond? How do you like feedback? (Some clients can have a hard time asking for what they need.)
What would you do if I wasn’t ready to open up about something yet?
Trauma
How do you work with someone with trauma? (Look for a therapist that doesn't just think trauma is sexual or physical trauma. Yeah, some people still think that.)
Experience
How many clients have you helped that have similar the same ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, class, and situation as me?
Which of your modalities would help my situation and why? How many clients have you used those modalities with?
What are your specialties? And what led you to pursue them?
Advice
Do you encourage clients to give tough love? (In case you didn’t get the memo, studies show that harsh punishment of adults and kids makes things worse. Threats, violence, and aggression towards kids is associated with increased child aggression, antisocial behavior, lower intellectual achievement, poorer quality of parent-child relationships, and mental health problems (such as depression). It also leads kids to avoid the punisher. And solitary confinement for inmate violence does not decrease the probability of future violence.)
How do you give advice? How have you supported clients in uncovering who they are and what's getting in the way? Would you describe your style as gentle? (Even if you're used to brutal advice, that might not be best for every situation. You might be surprised at how healing it can be when a therapist is skilled at providing empathy and asking what you already tried.)
Diagnosing
How do you attempt to accurately diagnose clients?
I mention “diagnosis” in a nonjudgmental way. A “diagnosis” can also be a normal response to trauma. So maybe work with therapists who first ask what diagnoses or labels the client resonates with and feels empowered by.
Some therapists don't tell clients their diagnosis unless asked. Unfortunately, if you don't know what they think you have, you can't ask them if they specialize in that diagnosis. They must terminate treatment if they can’t address a client’s needs, if the client isn’t benefiting over time.
Whether or not you have severe symptoms, consider asking them for a diagnosis based on psychological testing. Then you can also find help through other practitioners, such as medical doctors, nutritionists, etc. And you can get a second opinion. For example, some therapists diagnose women with borderline personality disorder and men with PTSD, even though a woman might actually have PTSD.)
Plan
If I don’t have a lot of time or money for therapy, how would you work with me? How many sessions might be necessary?
How have you helped clients like me help themselves without being dependent on you long term?
How would you work with me in the beginning to create a treatment plan? How will we assess “progress” together? (I mention “treatment plan” in a nonjudgmental way. I mention it because some therapists don’t co-create a plan with their client. Some clients don’t have time and money for therapy without at least a concept of a plan. So maybe work with a therapist that starts with co-creating SMART goals (specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and time-bound.))
Wellness
If you don't mind sharing, do you know what it's like to be a client? Have you gone to therapy? Can I ask how long and if it was weekly with the same therapist? (Some therapists haven't been to therapy. Therapists receiving therapy help themselves and their clients.)
Ending therapy
How do you work with clients when they say they're ready to end therapy? (Some therapists just say goodbye. Try a therapist that spends at least one session to remind you of your goals from your intake, ask you the most recent dates when you experienced specific symptoms, your self-care strategies if you'll experience triggers, and what you envision for your last session.)
Lived experience
Sometimes talking to a therapist who had similar life experiences as you can be helpful. So see if their website describes the following:
What is their ethnic and cultural background?
Do they have experiences of being othered?
What is their class background, sexual orientation, and gender?
What to expect when you’re expecting therapy
Once you find your dream therapist, know that your secrets are safe with them. And it helps to be honest with them. And if you can, try to commit to at least 12 weekly sessions. The first few sessions might be more like an intake where there might not have time to address your current situation.
Questions to ask yourself during therapy
Do I feel like they genuinely care about me?
If I’d like them to change their approach, do I ask if they have other approaches and give them a chance to try? (Unless you experience red flags or similar reasons to leave, you might benefit from telling your therapist what you really think as diplomatically as you can.)
Do I feel I need to take care of my therapist? If so, tell them. You might have some breakthroughs. Also, they’re trained to take care of themselves.
Do I feel understood by them?
Do I like them? (If you don't think highly of them, talking to them might not help.)
Am I thinking of things in new ways?
Are my relationships getting better?
Is my therapist doing more than just agreeing with me? (If they’re not compassionately encouraging you to step outside your comfort zone, they might not be helping you as much as they could.)
Do I have increased resilience when facing challenging situations?
Do I feel comfortable being me when I'm with them?
Can I tell them what I really think, such as about my sessions?
If they ask me a question, do I feel comfortable asking, "Can you help me understand what do you mean or what led you to do that?"
Do I feel I need to act a certain way with them, such as agreeing with them, sharing my problems in an upbeat way, or focusing only on certain topics?
Do they frequently give extremely generic advice? (For example, they suggest that you tell non-abusive loved ones for the first time about all your grudges against them. But they don’t try to understand the situation or get a sense of whether you’d do it in a clear and kind way, if that’s what the situation warrants.)
Do they encourage me to stay in abusive relationships, such as emotionally abusive ones? (I can’t make this stuff up.)
Do they constantly interrupt me in unhelpful ways and I feel I can’t mention it?
Therapists trained in modalities that aren’t solely talk therapy and are based on studies below
Some people get re-traumatized when talking about their trauma. Here are some alternatives:
Ecotherapy: It comes in many flavors. There are no national or international boards of certification in ecotherapy. But The Earthbody Institute’s 100-hour certification is accredited to offer continuing education by the American Psychological Association. They train anyone (not just therapists) on how to work with clients indoors or outdoors on grief, trauma, spirituality, resilience building, and activism, all in a decolonial framework. Some classes are by and for Black, Indigenous, and people of color (BIPOC), or nonbinary, lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer, intersex, and asexual (LGBTQIA+) people.
Emotional Transformation Therapy: Light wavelengths are emitted at a low level into your eyes.
Energy psychology: Veterans with PTSD can get free, immediate, one-on-one, energy psychology sessions at Veterans Stress Solution based on techniques validated in over 100 clinical trials.
Music therapy, such as by the American Music Therapy Association or Certification Board for Music Therapists
PACT therapy: The therapist might record you to help you notice your body language and voice.
Parent Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT): Wear a device to hear tips from the therapist while you interact with your kid in another room.
Sanctuary Animal Assisted Therapy with rescued farm animals
Sensorimotor Psychotherapy: Play out previously unfulfilled actions to get closure. Details of the trauma do not necessarily need to be recalled for the treatment to be effective.
Somatic Experiencing (SE): Studies show it can heal emotional and physical trauma. Unlike talk therapy. A SE therapist might invite you to tell your story, lie down on a massage table, receive light self-touch or supportive touch on your fully clothed body while they say soothing things people who hurt you can't say.
How to find therapists licensed to provide therapy in the state where you live
If you move to another state, they can’t work with you unless they’re also licensed there.
More inclusive, free, lower-cost individual, couples, or group therapy
Almost all links below center BIPOC, nonbinary, LGBTQIA+ people, and neurodivergence and disability justice.
Worldwide:
USA:
Inclusive Therapists (and coaches), therapy or support groups, workshops, and funding for therapy
For latine people:
For trans and nonbinary people:
Funding: FEDUP Collective
California:
Axis Mundi Center for Mental Health, a nonprofit for culturally humble, ecologically aware clinicians, and traditionally under-served and marginalized clinicians and clients
Culturally-responsive therapy for Asian people, possibly not lower-cost
Suicide was the leading cause of death for Asians, ages 15 to 24 in 2022. Almost half of Asian American, Native Hawaiian, and Pacific Islanders (AANHPI) scored above the threshold for moderate depression. But Asian Americans are 50% less likely to seek mental health care than other racial groups in the U.S.
Maybe these therapists can help:
Worldwide:
USA:
Other free or lower-cost therapy
USA:
I couldn’t find one link with all information above. So I put it all here. There are probably more resources. If I find more resources, I’ll add them above. After spending days working on this post, I need to practice what I learned in therapy: Take care of my inner child and commune with nature so I have energy to keep creating a happy, equitable, green world.