After School Specials presents the Empath and the Dark Empath starring you?
If you simply don’t feel good around someone, you both might feel better letting each other go
Remember After School Special PSA TV shows?
Let me save you from saving people because no one saved you. Maybe saving people felt good until it finally didn’t. Maybe you gave time, money, and care to people asked for because you’re an empath. So you felt their pain, you thought they needed it more than you, or you didn’t think you needed to save yourself.
Maybe they were a dark empath. So they were good at using your goodwill to their advantage, and had narcissistic tendencies and gave you way less than what they could afford. And they didn’t say thank you or tell you when they didn’t need you to spend energy on them.
Maybe they sucked you into their drama triangle cycle by being briefly kind, then critical of you, and then telling you sob stories where they need you. Or they repeatedly told you about discomfort you didn’t cause without first asking if you have energy to hear about it. Maybe they didn’t show you love in ways you asked for based on 5LoveLanguages and other healthy communication tips. They might have even conveniently told you how spiritual they were because they gave without expecting anything in return and they forgave next level abusers in their life. But you noticed a mismatch between what they say and what they do.
Their emotional or physical trauma that had nothing to do with you doesn’t have to create trauma for you. If you feel physical discomfort, confused, unfocused on your life, fear, anxiety, shame, guilt, powerless or hopeless in regards to that person, you might be experiencing emotional abuse. Maybe you have a martyr complex because as a kid, your needs were not met and your emotional boundaries were violated or you were a caretaker. Worry and stress can trigger mental and physical issues.
Surprise! You might feel better if you leave & heal yourself
You can wish people well without falling into their unwellness. Run, don’t walk! If you feel bad around someone, you might do things for them that aren’t healthy for both of you.
If you simply don’t feel good around someone, you both might feel better letting each other go. Was your relationship at its best even good enough to keep? Was it worth the price you paid? Imagine locking away positive and negative memories and throwing away the key. If they don’t change after you tell them how their behavior impacts you, it’s not worth your time to tell them more than once. Take your time sensing who is worth your time.
Leave as early as possible, especially if the relationship started with you responding to that person (as opposed to you initiating the relationship) or if you have a harder time concentrating on your life. And yes, that also means blocking their phone number and email, and unfollowing them on social media unless you want unfriendly reminders of their existence.
Don’t tell them you’re leaving because they might suck you back so they can dump you. Or they might string you along with breadcrumbs so you’re confused. Guess what? Those are just some forms of emotional abuse.
Write down every time you felt uncomfortable around them. Look at that list when you might get sucked back in. You are worth more.
If you need help, I’ve seen energy work and sound therapy (some free) work more than other modalities. And I’ve tried almost everything!
“Asking for a friend”: What are your tips?
Tell me on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter until I leave them too :)