“Your Privilege Is Showing” party game or stocking stuffer
Bring everyone closer at your holiday party, reunion or birthday where you don’t talk about your privilege or theirs!
The best gift you can give someone is to tell them “your privilege is showing” without saying “your privilege is showing.” I was glamping with a free-range, rescued baby deer at a Burning Man-esque Hipcamp with strangers I met five minutes ago when I thought, “Now would be a great time to whip out a party game to talk about privilege! What could possibly go wrong?” The first card we pulled from the game said something like, “You’re going through a tough time and someone tells you to ‘tough it out.’” And then each of us put down a card on whether we thought it was “racism,” “sexism” or just good old “privilege.” The best part is, there’s no right or wrong answer and anyone can reward each other with a “thatz okay” card if they show empathy.
The only vegan beef I have with the game is that it says it’s for four to six players, ages 16 and up. But you can play with yourself. And I know a 12-year-old who loves playing this game because she can talk about the privileges adults show.
It’s the best etiquette school I could find that’s disguised as a funny game. And I searched high and low when I interviewed diversity, equity, inclusion and justice (DEIJ) consultants and turned over every rock for team-building games. And in my opinion, you can create your own cards that aren’t in the game, such as real-life scenarios, classism, ableism, and homophobia.
Bonus: If you want to play for points, the “winner” gets a gold star that says “Perfectly Adequate Human.”
Lillian Medville is the Artist, Founder, and Facilitator of "Your Privilege Is Showing," a game you can play with or without a trained facilitator.
Here’s my fun interview with her:
Are you game to facilitate your game at my birthdays, holiday parties and family reunions so people will stop being racist, sexist, classist and ableist to me and other people?
Maybe! I’ve facilitated it virtually. It can actually be more fun online.
Seriously, I read that it might actually help to play your game regularly. How did you figure that out?
I interviewed the same college students before and after they played this game over six months. Each time they played, they reported being more comfortable talking to people about privilege with people who disagree with them. But six months later, they were less comfortable. So I think it helps to practice consistently, like any skill. This game can help people keep that muscle in shape.
I heard in your "The Adult Nerd" podcast interview that you left acting because you felt you had to read other people’s lines the way they wanted. I had no idea someone else also felt that way! When did you become your own boss and say to yourself, “I’m going to create a game called Your Privilege Is Showing?”
In my 20s, I was assaulted in the subway in New York City. It was my first experience with the police. They were unprepared to deal with a crying white woman. It was my worst nightmare. Talking to the police was the trauma after my subway trauma. It wasn’t until my 20s that I realized that the police aren’t always benign. I no longer felt protected by my whiteness.
I realized I had a lot of white fragility. I’d get defensive, cry or derail the conversation. All of those things that are BS. It didn’t help anyone, not even me. I hadn’t acknowledged my whiteness because I didn’t have to. So I created the game because I wanted to be better at it and so I could have these conversations. I created it for people like me.
When I played the game on a whim with strangers, afterwards, they said, “Phew! I thought I’d have to talk about my own privilege.” But the game didn’t prompt them to. Why did you design it this way?
The point of the game is to learn what feels like a micro- or macroaggression to each player. What can seem like a microaggression to one person can feel like a macroaggression to someone else.
I know people who think they support DEIJ. But people of color, for example, don’t perceive them to be supporting DEIJ. How can your game help?
The toughest game I facilitated was with people who thought they were good and progressive. It's easy to talk about how other people are the problem. But we're all the problem and the solution.
Privilege is just power that others don’t have that makes it so you don’t have to deal with certain problems. It’s not a terrible insult. The point is for everyone to have access to privilege. This game can help people see how we’re all actors in a system. And the more specifically we can talk about it, the easier it is for us to change it.
Let’s talk about what’s not in your game, at least not yet. What do you say if someone says they felt uncomfortable with something you did?
“Thank you for telling me. I need to think about this. I’m sorry. Would you be willing to tell me more?”
I wish everyone would say that and something like, “If you ever feel uncomfortable by anything I do, I’d like to understand it so I don’t do it again.” Because if they don’t, it’s harder for people to speak up. Thoughts?
That can still put the burden on the person who felt uncomfortable.
How can people who make people uncomfortable play if they can’t afford to buy your game or hire you to be a facilitator?
I was trying to get them in libraries but then COVID happened.
I know people can click the “request a title” button to get it stocked at their library but how else can there be world domination on how to tell people their privilege is showing?
Well, I’ll show how the game is played and how facilitators can help players manage their emotions. If people want to join, be a facilitator or find facilitators, they can see my Perfectly Adequate Training Program. I’m also working with teachers on how they can facilitate it specifically for high schoolers!