Be better. Don’t be McMindful.
People practicing 8 or 15 minutes of mindfulness (focusing on breathing sensations) reported feeling less guilty and less likely to make amends to those they harmed.
McMindfulness is mindfulness minus Buddhist teachings to let go of your ego. The paw-sitive side is people who did a loving-kindness meditation reported being significantly more likely to make amends with those they harmed. Also, studies below show loving-kindness meditation can cure contempt; but if you’re tired of being kind, maybe try compassion with equanimity meditation. If you’re in an abusive relationship (even a subtle one), follow me for upcoming tips because what might help is enough self-compassion to leave.
Feel contempt? Good luck keeping relationships!
Contempt is when someone dislikes and feels superiority (usually morally) over someone or their actions. Someone feeling contempt might not want to remove themselves from the situation because they might feel powerful. Contempt, criticism, defensiveness, lying and stonewalling (never letting someone talk about something) are highly researched predictors of a relationship ending.
Cure contempt, migraines & depression with compassion
Have compassion that’s just enough so both your needs and others’ needs are met, such as through loving-kindness meditation. It reduced pain from migraines and resulted in veterans with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) experiencing reduced depressive symptoms more than when they tried cognitive processing therapy (CPT). And it can also possibly slow the aging process.
A study on the Buddhist loving-kindness meditation narrated by Tara Brach showed that participants increased their concern for others. Spoiler: In it, you get to choose your own adventure and give blessings to yourself and others, such as “May I and all beings be happy, safe, and filled with loving presence and peace.”
If you have little to no compassion left to give…
Try the Buddhist compassion with equanimity meditation narrated by Dr. Shailla Vaidya, MD where you breathe in compassion for yourself and others while hearing something like, “We are each on our own life journey. I might not be the cause of this person’s suffering, nor is it entirely within my power to make it go away, even though I wish I could. Moments like this are difficult to bear, yet I may still try to help if I can.” It uses gender neutral language, unlike some similar meditations.
How to meditate
If you can, try those meditations while sitting with your spine straight, arms and legs uncrossed, feet on the ground. And exhale through your mouth with a sound.
Practice makes purr-fect!